Mountain Slayers Uganda: Mt.Riwo , Bukwo District — Highlight Reel

1. The Journey

I. Are we there yet?

Bukwo District is not merely far, it is remote. Despite being a paltry 350 Km from the capital, Kampala City, it is neatly tucked in the nation’s outer layer. Travelers require no less than 10 hours to properly penetrate Bukwo. Stoney winding roads make swift transit impossible and teach you a lesson in patience better than any Sunday school teacher could. Multiple consultations with google maps during the journey does not give encouraging answers. We are crawling to our destination.

II. What’s the worst that could happen? (Is this Heaven?)

The eruption of sound from a burst Air Conditioning Pipe is sudden and deafening. Accompanied by the gaseous emission, this bears all the hallmarks of an explosion. How lucky we must be, the eternal footman issues a loud announcement from the beyond, before he sends us on that celestial flight to our maker. From Dust to Dust, in a dusty backwater. Irony surrounds us.

After an orderly evacuation, some bus cleaning and steadying nerves, it was back on the bus. A short distance later, a confident sounding chief slayer very matter-of-factly informed us that the next leg of the journey to the campsite would be on the back of trucks. Trust in the immutable power of groupthink not to query this new arrangement.

The sensory deprivation from the endless journey on a makeshift road and the survival of the earlier ‘blast’ has fortified our collective psyche. We are now battle hardened soldiers, seemingly impervious to any measure of danger and misfortune. What’s the worst that could happen?

2. The Hike

III. Good Morning Mr. Langat …

(L-R): Chairman of the Riwo Primary School and Mr. Godfrey Langat, the Headmaster (Photo: Lumala Paul)

Mr. Langat, the headmaster of Riwo Primary School and our host is a stout, mild mannered, resolute looking fella. He communicates with a loud baritone common among those of the teaching profession, a useful tool for subduing errant learners, making sure that commands stick without repetition. I admire his elegant management of the special interests of the School Chairman, local leaders who are all too eager to make their mark on this monumental event. We know all too well that in rural settings, such an omission can be interpreted as a deliberate slight and might prove costly. He participates actively throughout.

IV. Does size really matter?-wink- (The Monica Miracle)

“Ekiri mu ttu, kimanyibwa nnyinikyo” — Luganda Proverb

I was what you might have called a big baby. Born at 4.5kg, I was my mother’s first and only caesarean section delivery. This trend has continued throughout much of my lifetime and surrendered me to a life of contact sports (and much bodily harm). If I am being diplomatic I am heavyset, although a more plain-speaking individual would describe me as rather large.

Angel Monica. The author struggles desperately to find his footing in the background (Courtesy Photo)

In contrast, Monica is slight, diminutive even. On the face of it, she seems ill suited to physical endeavour.

A catastrophic choice of shoes caused me to slip on the final ascent to the summit of Mt. Riwo. That wouldn’t have been as disruptive if I had not smacked my patella heavily on a jagged stone. An unbearable discomfort engulfed my right leg suggesting I would not be able to go on, despite the palliative adrenalin.

And then, like an angel from up on high (literally), an outstretched hand; Monica’s. I debated the practicality of this arrangement. I did not want to be responsible for hauling her down the steep rocky incline. Her confidence was reassuring, and so I took it. For the next half hour, she skilfully (and patiently) hauled my ample frame up the mountain. God bless her.

V. Mt. Riwo

Mt. Riwo in the distance (Courtesy Photo)

Bukwo is hardy but appealing. Sparse vegetation, clean air and expansive mountain ranges surround it. The people look much the same as in most of rural Uganda; resilient and comfortable with their quota. No signs of agitation that are commonplace in restless urban centres. At the start, the mountain is stony and receptive, gently undulating. This false sense of security was upended when we began the final ascent to the summit. As steep as it was long, with prickly shrubs and thorns, torn clothes and bruised body parts were unsurprising. Ultimately however, the target was unlocked. This was never in doubt.

3. The Aftermath (In Brief)

Resident Ssenga offered up scandalous tales about animal kingdoms, gills, solobokas, chuchuna (sp); successfully planting unGodly ideas on a cold night in a forgotten land with scant accountability.

Dancefloor fillers- I witnessed a young lady who had been hitherto sitting on the side-lines watching with haughty bemusement, eventually lose her morals(and home training) when Mic Ya Ziggy Dee blasted through the speaker (christened Sheila).There is no greater validation for a DJ than dissolving the audience’s self-control.

Safe to say, It is better for the boy child to have a birthday coincide with a slay, than not.

The Stingy Men’s Association of Uganda (SMAU) — MSU chapter underwent serious internal turmoil when the overwhelming interests of the flesh began to overtake the principles that underpin the pressure group. In the end, obscene amounts of water and chapatti were procured by the Club president for courtiers, in a flagrant disregard of the SMAU constitution. His presidency is under review.

Honorable Mentions: Akwetch, SMAU extremist and Bond 7 evangelist; Sewaa, Ex-SMAU (MSU Chapter) President

4. Closing Credits

VI. Tell Me Why

“Think you’re escaping and run into yourself. Longest way round is the shortest way home.”― James Joyce, Ulysses

Given all we know about the risks/challenges from exploding ACs, steep inclines et al, I earlier attempted to reflect on the reasons that we elect to continue on this path of, as someone framed it, “Kuzunga”. I made a further exploration of the source of this momentum that leads us to break with the norm.

In Robert Frost’s famous poem, “The Road Not Taken”, the dichotomy of free will versus determinism is examined. Do we chose this path or has it been fated for us? The poet causes us to reflect more deeply whether we ought to go mainstream and follow the well beaten path or go the opposite direction where little is known or is certain. But finally, he appears to give hope to the rebels that follow the road less taken, as it ‘makes all the difference’. Perhaps this hypothetical reward available only to the differentiated is what the slayers are seeking. It is also entirely possible that we have too much free time on our hands.

VII. Teachable Moment

Friends, my key takeaway from this exhilarating expedition and unique undertaking is majorly one. And if I may share that one thing, it is this; At all times — as you negotiate those steep climbs, maneuver through thick bushes, keep an eye out for slithering venomous snakes, and descend cautiously on treacherous and slippery mountain slopes; you must remember this singular most important and crucial piece of advice- Make Sure — you stay — next to -ThePeopleWhoTakeDopePhotos .

Overall, we had a blast (Pun Unintentional).

Keep Climbing.

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